No 20 - Snow Flake - Jim Reeves

Gentleman Jim Reeves moved in mysterious ways.

He was a spooky bugger.

In the 1960's Jim Reeves was more popular in South Africa than Elvis. Elvis was too black for the Africaaners.

Jim once released an album that ran at 16 rpm, which is the slowest speed a record can run, playing music at this speed can summon up the devil.

For a gentleman, he could be a finickety bugger.

He would cancel a gig at the drop of a hat if he didn't like the piano at the venue - with Ireland suffering the most.

Daniel O' Donnells 1963 diary notes : 'Reeves the fecker cancelled again, The bastid'.

Some fool might posit that with Reeves last ever recording session featuring the song 'Make The World Go Away' was him asking God to take him home.
One year later, in 1964 he died due plane crash related injuries.
This piece of yuletide whimsy was released in 1966.
Two years after his death.
How is this possible?
As I said, a spooky bugger.

Also, once heard this song can never be forgotten.
Ever.
So be careful.

This is my last posting for Christmas, I'm turning off my computer until the new year. Thank you for reading, I hope you heard something new. Have a very Merry Christmas, and a most Happy New Year.
Best,
Mr. Drayton X.

No 19 - Little Drummer Boy/Peace On Earth - David Bowie and Bing Crosby

In terms of thinking about things, who spent the most time thinking about this meeting?

Did Bowie think more about singing with Bing, or did Bing think more about singing with Bowie? Being as Bing is dead, I'd wager that Bowie has, by default, given it more consideration. Were we to take the moments from when it was first suggested to the minute before Bing died, maybe Bing edged it. He was a deep thinker.

And he had met Bowie after all, not everyone got to do that back in the day.

Rumour has it that Bing didn't know who Bowie was. How could he not of known - even Tony Orlando of Dawn knew him. Put Bowie and Tony Orlando in Google to see.

Whatever went through their minds what we have here is a piece of weirdly and beautiful Christmas pop. Bowie wasn't overly happy at the song choice, but they'd preempted this problem by writing a new song to add to the mix, that's the Peace on Earth bit.

This choice is very much of it's time, it's wrapped in innocence, it doesn't feel as though there's a hugh PR machine ready to roll it out.
It just happened.
I can't think of a modern day equivalent.
That's a good thing in my book.

No 18 - The Little Boy That Santa Claus Forgot - A Girl Called Eddie.

When I played records on the radio, I had a Christmas Eve festive tunes special which featured this version of the song. After the song had finished, the phone went, and, on answering I had a very old and very tearful  man on the line.

'I just wanted to say that I haven't heard this song in years. It made me cry then, and it's making me cry now. Thankyou for playing it'.

Written in 1937, and one of it's co-writers, Michael Carr also wrote White Horses, the hit by Jacky. His theme to The Edgar Wallace Mysteries has been covered by Muse.
Not bad for a man born in 1905.

No 17 - Skiing In The Snow - Wigan's Ovation

When the pop has eaten itself and finally collaspses onto the ground, will anyone write the name Jim McClusky in the history books?

Will that single thread from rocks rich tapestry be unravelled?

Jim was the vocalist with Wigan's Ovation. His couldn't be a more rags to riches to rags story, I'll let him tell it:



'I had never sang live on stage before and one of the reasons for me joining the band was that I could not go on working shifts anymore'.

You never get that kind of story on X Factor these days.

"With Skiing in the Snow we had a load of fun in the studio, then we returned home and back to the working mens clubs performing either side of the bingo. Then about three weeks later we were in Hartlepool when we got the word that the record was finished, it sounded fantastic. Two weeks later we were on Top of the Pops.

The band split in 1976 but not before being ripped off by promoters and the like.
In 1977 we got back together again but the spark had gone, in 1984 our manager killed himself, for what reason nobody knows to this day.
We all gave up after that".

I think the words bitter and sweet are apt here. Stick this on though, and swing those pants.
　

No 16 - The Most Wonderful Time of the Year - Andy Williams

In our house Andy Williams was King. Petula Clarke was Queen and Elton John was the Little Princess. It's fitting that the smoothly cool Andy should provide us with a song, as it's a celebration of the season, full of excitment and hope.

We're talking parents record collection here, and although as a youngster it was my job to kick against them, I could never bring myself to hate Andy Williams.

If you're in any doubt that Andy was cool, how's about this guys and gals? 

He sang at JFK's funeral, he stood up to Nixon's administration in their attempts to deport John Lennon, he played Caesars Palace over 700 times and he invented the Osmonds (alright, maybe pass on that one).

When his first wife was accused of shooting her new husband, Andy stood by her, providing defence funds, and acting as a character witness.

I'm sat in my comfy armchair chair, wearing a nice sweater and having a dry martini, and I'm still nowhere as cool as Andy. No one can be.

15 - Santa Claus Is Coming To Town - The Crystals.

Pop stars that have courted outrage over the years.
Alice Cooper? The Sex Pistols? Eminem?
The Crystals?
Nothing to see here?
Wrong.




After achieving reasonable chart success they caused outrage, outrage I tell you, by releasing 'He Hit Me (and it Felt Like A Kiss)'. It is a loathsome piece of work, they sang well, but hey....That was followed by Let's Dance The Screw. I know. Screwing. In 1963.

Anyways, when A Christmas Gift To You, the classic festive album, came out it, featured this fantastic version of a Santa Claus is Coming to Town. The album was released on the day JFK was shot, consequently it wasn't a big hit that Xmas.

Ever the trailblazers, The Crystals pioneered the badly spoken intro years before All Saints got in on the act.
Here's that clunky intro in full:

Jimmy, I just came back from a lovely trip along the milky way,
I stopped off a the north pole to spend the holiday,
I called on old dear Santa Claus, To see what I could see
He took me to his workshop and told his plans to me
Now Santa is a busy man, he's got no time to play
He's got millions of stocking to fill on christmas day
You better write your letter now and mail it right away,
Cos he's getting ready his reindeers and his sleigh...

No 14 - Songs For Christmas - Sufjan Stevens

Cards on the table, I love Sufjan Stevens. I think he's a genius.

With this selection, you get not one, but 42 songs. Sufjan tackles the classics. He also adds some of his own to the mix.
A culmination of several years work, songs he wrote for his friends and family.

You can download it or buy it, it comes in a lovely box.


You just need it for Christmas morning, or Boxing day afternoon.

No 13 - Caravan of Love - the Housemartins

Had Jackie Wilson's Reet Petite not knocked The Housemartins from the top spot the week before Christmas, Caravan of Love would probably be one of those songs that we're all heartily sick to the back teeth of by now.

It would've been looped to within an inch of it's life in shops around the country.

Well done dead pop star, you saved us.


Politically red in tooth and claw, how many more chart topping bands do you know who asked of you to 'take Jesus...take Marx...take Hope'?. Certainly not Amazulu (though their drummer was from Scunthorpe) or Brother Beyond.

If you're looking for a song that perfectly sums up the yuletide spirit then look no further than this accapella gem from the four loveable crop tops from the north bank of the Humber.

"We'll be living in a world of peace,
In the day when everyone is free,
We'll bring the young and the old,
Won't you let your love flow
From your heart"

No 12 - Christmas Time Will Soon Be Over - Jack White

If you haven't even started yet, if you have a mountain of shopping to do and you can only get into town this Saturday afternoon, if you've got family coming round you really don't want to come round, if, by some weird timing issue you've only just realised that it's just round the corner, if it reminds you of something you'd rather forget, if you just see it as an excuse to spend money you can ill afford, if you hate the fact that the news is never on at the time that news should be on, if you hate laughing, family, presents, melancholy, ghost stories, decorations, excited kids waking up at 4am, puddings and Love, then this one's for you. 

No 11 - Jingle Bell Rock - The Ventures

If Pete Best is the Pete Best of the Beatles, then Skip Moore is the Pete Best of The Ventures.

The biggest selling instrumental group ever (according to some gumph on the internet) got together over second hand cars and a love of re-recording other peoples songs. Their biggest hit, a version of Walk Don't Run, saw Skip waiving his future royalties for a $25 session fee. The pillock.

The Ventures also were one of the first groups to use flanging on a record, as well as a vocoder and one of them invented the Fuzzbox, which he then used.

You can hear all that history in this one great yuletide bounce of a record. Ideal for playing just before you go out for that early drink on Christmas Eve, it'll power you out of the house.

No 10 - Santa Claus Is Coming To Town - Joseph Spence

There are not enough pipe smoking musicians these days, ditto cigars.

One of the greatest moment in any childs Christmas morning was the unwrapping of the Smokers Outfit.

Usually made flesh in chocolate, though one year I did get a licorice one, which was given back the following year. Now thanks to the bloody PC brigade, Thornton's only do a Junkie Outfit, you know, chocolate stash, syringe, spoon, cotton wool and lighter.
You can however still get a Crack Outfit, but only in the dark side of town.

This song was recommended by The Windup Gramophone, a very talented lad from the 'boro who assures me that you can still buy a Parmo Outfit made of cheese.

You are unlikely to hear this version on the radio ever, which is a crying shame, as it's oddness is a welcome release from the usual saccharin treatment it receives. You could be mistaken for thinking the devil had a hand in it's making.
Well done Dark Lord.

No 9 - Christmas Wrapping - The Waitresses

Chrissie Hynde, Clarke Gable and Devo are all famous folk from Akron, Ohio.

So, with todays choice, Akron, Ohio takes top spot in the 'places that have given us great xmas records' category. It was the birth place of the man who wrote and produced Christmas Wrapping.
Chris Butler is that man. "I go back and I try to think of what the original inspiration was. I think it was just very much that for years I hated Christmas,"

That loathing led to him writing a story song of love unrequited, love then requited -  over a search for cranberries.

To make this song even cooler it was first released on the Ze Label, the early 80's barometer of NYC pop/punk sophistication.
Was Not Was, Suicide and Kid Creole all featured on their roster.

What's not to like?

No 8 - 2000 Miles - The Pretenders

Like Stop The Cavalry, this song became a Christmas record by default. That'll explain why it's not over laden with sleigh bells and caterwauling harpies.

At her best, Chrissie Hynde can melt the coldest hearts with that beautiful vibrato of hers. Coupled with a lovely guitar arpeggio, this song swings gently, yearning for better times.

Apparently, this was written for former guitarist James Honeyman Scott who had joined the great dead drug gang in the sky.
The band lost two members over a short period of time.

Knowing that makes this song all the more poignant.

He's gone 2000 miles.
It's very far,
the snow is falling down.
Gets colder every day,
I miss you.

No 7 - Silent Night - Sir Richard Hawley

Of course there's always time for tradition at Christmas, and it would be very remiss of me not to include a carol or two in this line up.

One of the things that bugs me about Xmas morning is all the lah-di-dah carol services swamping the radio when I'm trying to open my first bottle of sherry. It's either that or product-line festive tunes being wheeled out. We've been listening to them in Morisons since August, so do we really need to hear them again?


What we need is some Suavity.*

Step forward Sir Richard Hawley. A man who lists amongst his favourite things his Grandad, Dad and his Uncle isn't going to make a hash of such a solid tune as Silent Night is he? And so it proves.

This croonsome version has a steel guitar solo and I think it might feature a gentle xylophone.

That's got to be better than anything Mariah Carey foghorns her way through.
Hasn't it?

*Suavity. Someone being suave or having suaveness. I think I've invented a new word.

No 6 - Santa Claus Is Ska-ing To Town - The Granville Williams Orchestra

1934 sees Haven Gillespie and J. Fred Coots writing Santa Claus is Coming to Town.
According to legend it took about ten minutes to write and their publishers rubbished it - deeming it childish.

Undetered, they offered it to' Eddie 'Banjo Eyes' Cantor, who played it on his radio show. he was bigger than Chris Moyles back in the day.
By the end of the week it had sold 100,000 copies of sheet music and by Xmas, 400,000.

In the Mid 60's the Granville Williams Orchestra, a Jamician hotel band, got Lee Scratch Perry to pep it up.
Santa Claus is Ska-ing to Town was the result. You'd be hard pressed to find a more joyful evocation of pre-xmas jitters and excitment.

This sounds great rattling round a steamy Christmas day kitchen, it fair lifts the spirits.
Hit Him Up!

No 5 - Santa Claus Go Straight To The Ghetto - James Brown

If you're Santa Claus, it's safe to say that you've got a lot on your plate come Christmas Eve.
There's a lot of boys and girls wanting their just deserts.
They want it all and they want it now.
No doubt your sleigh is full of expensive gifts for those kids whose folks can afford it.

But what about poor little Mary? Poor little Gary and Poor little Donnie with the lazy eye?


You could think, Hell No! Those kids don't get no presents.
You are Santa after all.
Omnipresent. You're not a charity.

Wait on though. Who is this telling you to get your red and white ass down to the Ghetto?
Only the Funky President - James Brown.
When James Brown asks you to go to Ghetto that's where you go:

"You know that I know you will see,
Cause that was once me"

No 4 - So Much Wine - The Handsome Family

It's got to be said.  Christmas is one holy pain in the ass. The Handsome Family give us Christmas Day from across the tracks, in far hills, from the bottom of a glass

What ever you do this yuletide, don't drink yourself sick and wake up naked in a hedge.

"I had nothing to say on Christmas day when you threw all your clothes in the snow. When you burnt your hair, knocked over chairs, I just tried to stay out of your way. But when you fell asleep with blood on your teeth, I got in my car and drove away"

That's lesson enough. Love one another.

No 3 - Purple Snowflakes - Marvin Gaye

Beautiful Marvin. Soul God, Social Concience.

1981.
Beautiful Marvin plays darts in an Ostend bar, his wilderness years.

1964.
Marvin sings for The Motown Christmas album. Purple Snowflakes swirl around a piano cascade, snowflakes swirl around Marvin and his love, safe inside. Chestnuts roasting. She warms Marvins heart.
Marvin melts ours with a deft touch, a voice quietly celebrating all that's right with the world.

Purple Snowflakes, not Blue.

No 2 - River - Joni Mitchell

It's coming on Christmas,
They're cutting down trees,
They're putting up reindeer,
And singing songs of joy and peace. 

Oh, I wish I had a river
I could skate away on.

Along with wind and heartburn, melancholia is one of my favourite Christmas feelings. You can't avoid it, it's contagious. It used to settle in on me whilst drunkenly carol singing at Midnight Mass. Once in Royal David's City is the holy champion of melancholia.

Joni Mitchell's Blue has it's fair share of sadness. Don't let that put you off, it's a brilliant record, best played on vinyl you've owned since 1978. Whilst not a Christmas Record per se, this song makes the top 25 thanks to that simple lyric opening onto an idyllic scene, then skating away into the cold, cold night.

Oh I wish I had a river
I could skate away on.

I made my baby say goodbye.

No 1 - White Christmas - The Patti Smith Group.

Fighting in the punk rock wars year zero meant there was very little room for finer musical feelings as the 1970's bowed out. Carols were for sissys.

This version of the Irving Berlin classic was released as a bootleg 7" single credited to r.e.f.m, which, when I saw it* was a must have. Patti croaks her way through the song, a heart felt, if not a classic, rendition, nicely rounded off with 'Merry Christmas From The Patti Smith Group'.

*I have no recollection where it was, it could've been Woolies in Scunthorpe, one lad who worked there sold under the counter bootlegs along with the MFP and Pickwick albums. I also bought a red vinyl 12" of the Stones Cock Sucker Blues off him for a quid. That was the wonder of Woolies.