Sunday, January 15, 2012

The People Have Spoken

Over the New Year period, I had time on my hands and mischief on my mind. Then I found Survey Monkey.  Using this fantastic modern invention I came up with nine questions that would investigate the minds of modern people in a busy world. Over 100 people took part, for which I thank you one and all,  you will all go to heaven, if you want to.

Here are the results:

Question 1: For a good while, most folk would wanted to drown out the sounds of Bryan Adams with earplugs and love making, but at the final count, 38% of you preferred getting it on, sans earplugs, the carnal urge overriding any notions of cool. That means many of you are happy to have a knee trembler sound tracked by ‘My Heart Will Go On’. Ughh.

She Started It.
Question 2 :  In a situation where a fire is raging through your house 22% would grab Nana, 56% named important others to grab: computers came first, followed by various cats, the wife, one of the twins, signed Scunthorpe United shirts and a signed picture of Peter Beardsley.

Question 3 : On meeting the school bully several years down the line and finding them in dire straits, 30% forgave and forgot, 8% stabbed them with a compass and 48.5% thought they were not worth a tinkers cuss.

That's you that is.
Question 4: Whilst at a party on finding no paper after a visit to the lavvy 59.2% would use a face flannel to clean up, and then wash it thoroughly. I don’t know what this says. 13% would use the flannel and not wash it afterwards. I know what that says. Dirty Buggers.

Scum. Playing Hey Jude.
Question 5: On the question of Amplified buskers, 43.9% want them to turn it down abit, while a disappointingly small number - 17% wanted them publicly eviscerated.

I don't know what you're looking
so pleased about.
Question 6: On keeping up with youth, 70% decided that youth is for the young, being older is cool.

They were always such nice boys.

Question 7: When your former favourite group stays at your hotel and behaves appallingly 62% carry on as normal, with 24.5% joining in, copping an unwanted pregnancy and herpes along the way.

The Future, yesterday.
Question 8: 64.3% see no point in stressing about the future. 19% hope it’ll be a bit like Space 1999.

Suck it up loser.

Question 9: 60% of you are happy to let a 6 year old thrash you a Frustration. 23% relish the thought of beating the arse of them and rubbing their snivelling noses in it.

Not one person emailed to take part in the free draw to win FIVE ENGLISH pounds.
I shall spend that money on sweets and crisps.

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